nickname-hyl-260980 (hyl-e8998) on 2010-07-26
Also, thick as a brick is a weird metaphor, particularly since the size of bricks can vary greatly. That line gives the impression that the author is trying desperately to rhyme. (id:) |
nickname-hyl-260980 (hyl-e8998) on 2010-07-26
I also have concerns about 'More than ABC'. It is a very uncommon simile, and ABC has a lot of other meanings that may be insulting (American-born Chinese) or nonsensical (American Broadcasting Company) in this context. In addition, line four of stanza three is incorrect. The adverb immediately follows the modal verb 'will'; see Powell, Debra, Common Mistakes at CAE, 2005, p.16, ISBN 9780521603775 for details. (id:) |
thechopsueyman (ml100873) on 2010-04-09
It is obvious that the suffix 's' is removed because the rhyming structure then can be clearly seen. Does it detract from the meaning? No. Grammatically of course it's wrong but stylistically as long it is consistent this issue should not be a problem.
Rather the 1st line in the 2nd verse
I have lots *of kind - may be better rephrased as I have lots (of words) IN kind ie. referrring to autonyms, similar words of meaning.
Also, the article 'the' in the second line of the 3rd verse can be removed.
A creative piece of writing! (id:) |
nickname-hyl-260980 (hyl-e8998) on 2010-01-10
May I enquire why you took away all the 's'es? (id:) |
